God loves boutiques, too

I lost my light.  I don’t know when it happened exactly.  All I know is that when my life of busy-ness, work, kids, kids-activities, appointments, organizing, cleaning, planning, doing, going, giving and helping…. when all of that stopped and the house was empty…. I looked for my light couldn’t find it. 

It was gone, and I felt profoundly sad.  To all my fellow sisters in this life, if you feel or have ever felt this way, I invite you to my journey of exploration to discover it, clean it off, and let...it…SHINE. 

You see I’m very much like so many women out there.  I really am.  I’m 42 and by most objective measures, I have a wonderful life.  I have 2 fantastic kids: one starting college, one starting high school.  A wonderful husband who loves me well.  A successful career, fabulous network of friends, travel experiences and more. Those most basic needs have been met.  So, what on earth am I missing right? 

Well…like any living breathing human being, I’ve also had very personal yearnings in my heart.  Ideas for my life.  Visions for my happiness.  But I grew up young and life happened, as it does.  Not that there are regrets…that would be untrue, but life did happen and the focus of my yearnings shifted, appropriately.  Kids, marriage, divorce, jobs, family needs, responsibilities.  Many of my yearnings, ideas and visions came to feel unrealistic, maybe even irresponsible at that time of my life.  So, I tucked them away promising them I’d return.  Occasionally, I would come back to them, talk to them, imagine with them.  But those moments were fleeting.  If I told one of them I honestly thought I could bring them to life (like Pinocchio becoming a real boy), somewhere deep inside me, my truth knew I was lying.  It just wasn’t the time.  It just wasn’t the place.  There just wasn’t enough money.  It was just too risky.  Someone else needed or deserved it more.  Like the number of stars in the skies, my excuses were many.   My yearnings, ideas and visions became things I tried to control and suppress.  When they surfaced up in my heart or in my mind as though they were suffocating and searching for air, I quickly put them back away.   I forced them down, somewhere, so they didn’t distract me.  What started as “time outs” became putting them in a prison with each excuse like a new iron bar, trapping them, extinguishing their light. 

My heart went on to experience other, different unexpected and unplanned moments of happiness; having my children, raising them, watching them grow and find and become their own selves.  And I also experienced tragedy: pain that permanently altered my perspective.  I grew to experience fulfillment: second and third chances; new and renewed relationships, good fortune to share with loved ones.  I even found God.  He wasn’t on the corner of First and Amistad but I did find Him.  Game changer for sure.  (Turns out He was there all along, just waiting for me to realize it.  That must have been exhausting, even for an Alpha/Omega).  My ever-evolving relationship with Him brought even more unexpected and unplanned moments of happiness.  But, He brought another thing…this nagging, constant reminder that there was something else living down in the dark recesses of my heart that was begging to come out. 

You see, even in the busy space of the “other” moments, I realized with growing awareness that I deeply missed my yearnings, ideas and visions.  Could they still be alive?  Had the plug been pulled just a little too long?  No, they were there.  I felt them stirring.  They had never left….as though they existed long before me, and will exist long after me.  There is something transcendent and special about them.

Proverbs 19:21 says “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is The Lord’s purpose that prevails”. 

These yearnings, ideas and visions…. maybe they are not just my invention.  Perhaps, as scripture says, they were part of the design of my life.    What would it look like if I stopped trying to deny them, and started letting them out?  Enabling and empowering THEM.  What could my God do with a willing heart?  My friends, we’re about to find out.

I’m taking steps. Terrifying, scary, exciting steps.  I don’t know where they will lead, but I’m willing to place my tiny little mustard seed of faith in a God that has proven Himself to be trustworthy.  While no specific outcome is promised…there is a promise that He will be with me.  And I’m totally down for some 1:1 time going through this discovery with Him. 

So, this little light of mine…. I’m GONNA let it shine.  What if I fail…. but what if I never try?   Starting a online boutique might sound silly to some…but for me, it’s just one of the many yearnings, ideas and visions I’ve had for a ridiculously long time.  Turns out God loves boutiques, too!  Maybe, just maybe that’s how He’s gonna show His power in my life.  So, I’m doing it.  Toe is officially dipped, and ladies the water feels delightful.  Stay with me to see where this goes!  I promise to share the experiences with you: the good, the bad and the blissful. 

Start making discovering YOUR BLISS a priority. You’re not alone…. we’re in this together!  Let’s go!

#boutiqueboss #entrepreneurmama #blissedoutboutique #blazingtrails #thislittlelightofmine